Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
The other day as I was prancing around our co-ed dressing room shirtless with my floral-print bra being flaunted for the world to see, I came to a conclusion: This whole performing experience has really helped me come to terms with myself. I NEVER in my life would ever consider running around in my underwear in front of ANYONE before express. I’ve now come to realize that we’re all doing the same things, and even though I look different, I’m up there basically doing the same things as the girls I used to wish to look like. =)
As I’ve said before, I’m nowhere near actually loving my body, but I’m heading towards being comfortable in my skin.
Hey everyone, my name is Ileana, I’m 19 years old. This is actually one of my favorite pictures of me, I’ve grown to love it after learning how to love my imperfections. I must have revised my submission more than 5 times, but after so many drafts I thought I’d just get straight to the point… :)
Growing up I let my insecurities get the best of me. I stood back while people made fun of my weight, laughed, giggled, and whispered at how big my shirts were, and how wide my thighs were. I was always the tallest in every group, and also the chubbiest. Being the self conscious girl back then, I limited myself from ever having fun, I would go home straight after school because I didn’t want people to look at me, I’d turn down offers to hang out with friends because I never had anything nice to wear, I hated not being able to fit into “skinny girl” clothes, as I would call it, and I would cry everyday thinking that I was somehow cursed. I became very angry at everyone and everything and just became a silent-to herself- girl… At home I would look in the mirror and stare at my body, nobody my age had what I had.. I was sure of that, and coming to that realization made me want to become more isolated from a lot of people. Eventually I grew trust issues and reduced the amount of people I called friends… I trusted no one.
Now as a sophomore in college I look back at my childhood and regret ever letting people get the best of me. I realize I don’t have the perfect body, and I am completely fine with that. I am perfectly content with my thunder thighs, my big butt and everything else on my body. I don’t need to look like a super model and a perfect 10 to have an amazing personality. I am able to hold my head up with pure confidence and walk past a group of skinny girls and not break. We come in all shapes and sizes and that’s what makes us beautiful and unique. It’s mind over matter, those who mind don’t matter , and those who matter don’t mind. As long as we have people who love us for who we are… then what’s there to be unhappy about? I can say I have grown a lot more confident throughout my college experience so far, I am comfortable in my own skin, and will NEVER let anyone tell me otherwise. As we all should :)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Something’s gotta change.
I used to say this all the time, but I’ve come to a place where I can simply embrace who I am and what I look like. I still feel like “that fat one” alot, but I can now feel like “that fat one up there dancing her ass off on stage.”, “that fat one in the totally cute outfit.”, “That fat one with the awesome voice.”, or”that fat one who’s more awesome than most people can ever dream to be.”… or all of those at the same time.
And that’s really cool.